Am I neglecting my responsibilities as a mother?

She crawled towards me excitedly as I lifted her up, hugged her close to my chest and gave her a kiss on her smooth chubby cheek. I literally sniff her and aww..how I miss her smell. "How are you my darling? Have you been a good girl?". That's what I whispered into her ears every single day when I picked her up from her nursery. She would smile from ear to ear and I could see the joy in her big round eyes. I looked forward to evenings just to see that smile on her face. It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling and it almost bring tears to my eyes.

On some days, I see that she has been crying before I arrive. Her eyes were a little swollen. "Was she crying earlier?", "Was she disciplined for being naughty?" or "Did she had a fall earlier?". I trust she's well taken cared off by the caretakers. I'm not blaming them but its just a mom's natural reaction out of concern.On many occasions, I asked myself the same ol' question over and over again......

Am I neglecting my responsibilities as a mother?

 I had a memorable childhood, blessed I would say that I've my mom with me since birth til when I left for further studies at the age of 18. My mom was a home maker back than and mom was the one I cling on 24/7. The bonding was priceless. I ran to my parents when I'm sick, in pain and when I'm lonely and looking for someone to play with.

In this modern age whereby mothers are stucked in a rat race, I'm guilty for being one of them. My baby is with the nursery from 9am-6pm and by the time we arrived home, its already quite late and the hours spent with her is very minimal. She would be too tired to spent time with us and it isn't fair that hubby and I keep her awake for selfish reasons. Her most active hours are with the caretakers, her needs were fulfilled (I hope) by caretakers and disciplinary actions (in an appropriate and Godly manner, I hope) are given by caretakers as well.Geez, isn't that supposed to be my job as a mom? Apart from the weekly updates from the nursery, I've no clue on what's going on in our daughter's daily life. SAHM has been telling me how important it would be to stay close to a child at her tender first few years of her life... which I already missed for the past 6 months since I started work after my 2 months maternity leave.

Recently, hubby and I noticed our 9 month old baby would usually wakes up cheerful until I place her into her car seat. She is exceptionally quiet in the car throughout her journey to the nursery. She looked upset but she knew she doesn't have a choice but to accept the fact that mommy has to work and she must be with the caretakers. Again, I feel guilty for having my child going through this 5 days a week. I enjoyed the slight traffic jam because I can reach out to her as she grip my hands tight and give me the sweetest smile as if she's telling me "Its OK mommy...".

She would lift herself quietly when we arrived at the nursery and I would whisper to her..... "Be a good girl, mommy love you".Totally different from the time I pick her up from the nursery in the evening. She will be very happy and back to her bubbly talkative self once again. She even greet strangers in the lift with her "bye bye" and loud laughters!

As for now..I pray that the Lord would send his  Guardian Angels to surround and protect my precious little one and she will be in safe hands until she's back in my arms again tonight.